April 10, 2007
Bloggers Choice Awards - Nominated for Stuff!
Did you notice my second Award Nominee badge over there to the left? Those nice folks on the awards committee heard my plaintive cry and acknowledged thet, yes, there are many blogs about stuff and they deserve their own category. How cool is that? Mahalo nui loa to Jamie and Ted, two of my favorite movers and shakers, for listening to the wisdom of skeet! A huge mahalo also to everyone who supported my cause!
I hope you’ll agree with me that this is a category I can take. I mean, I should take the Blogitzer award too, since I’m a fabulous writer (I know this because you have told me so!) but there’s the “popularity contest” factor holding me back. Some long-time, well-known bloggers have been nominated and I’ve been blogging less than a year. There just aren’t enough folks out there who know that I’m the better, though lesser-known, candidate.
There will be much shame and humilation, though, if I don’t win the Best Blog About Stuff category. I’m all about stuff, as you all very well know. The cluttery stuff in my house that may never get cleared out, the stuff in my head that I offer up to you, the stuff I step in sometimes and can’t get off of my shoe (yesterday it was gum in the grocery store parking lot. How nasty is that?) It’s all good stuff, too, so am I wrong to feel a little proprietary about the award? It belongs to me, but I need some help staking my claim. Right now I’m in second place, so I know this is do-able. There’s a lot of time left in the competition, though, and someone is bound to nominate an A-lister sooner or later. What I need is to get such a huge lead that even the big guys can’t catch up.
I’ve thought about blatant bribery. That idea was quickly abandoned, not because I find it a sleazy tactic (all’s fair in love and blogging awards, right?) but because I need more votes than I have money to pay for. I’ve made some inroads via begging, but my knees are aching and I can’t reach the keyboard from down there, so a more creative concept that’s less painful to my anatomy is required. What’s needed is a non-monetary reward that will get your attention and spur you to action.
I’ve had twenty-four hours to think about it and I have a plan. You all love to see cream-pie-in the face attacks, right? And when you go to the county fair, I’ll bet you gleefully spend your hard-earned cash to throw a baseball at a paddle that will dump your mayor in a vat of slime. Am I right? Of course I am! There’s a sadistic streak in every one of you that goes into overdrive at the prospect degrading and humiliating other people. Admit it! You love to feel superior at the expense of others! I am willing to make myself a sacrificial goat to your baser instincts in order to buy your votes. Here’s what you have to do to earn the privilege.
How to shame, degrade and humiliate skeet:
Help me get votes for both of my categories. Yeah, I know that there are those who have a bigger pool of voters to call on, but they aren’t likely to sacrifice their reputations and make their readers such a compelling offer. I’m betting that I can take both Stuff and Blogitzer because I will sink to the very depths of degradation to do so. Your whole-hearted willingness is the impetus that’s needed to send me on this downhill slide into infamy and shame. Write a blog post urging your readers to vote for skeet. This shameful offer is open to everyone who votes, so make sure they know about the prize and that they will be allowed to share in the reward. Insert links to both of my voting pages:
Make sure you link back to this post so I’ll get a ping to tell me about your post. Tell your readers to come post a comment on any post at Skeet’s Stuff letting me know that they’ve voted. Reminding your readers about this opportunity from time to time or even putting a little link to my post in your sidebar will earn you extra brownie points but is not required. Use your own creativity to steer votes my way and let the world know that I deserve these awards. If you want to run a “Vote for Skeet” blog carnival, that would stimulate voting and would be jolly good fun for you, too! I guarantee you it will be worth this small investment of your resources to push me over the top!
Here’s what you’ll get:
A few days ago I took a photograph of myself doing something so dark and shameful that no one has ever seen me doing it. I’m not exaggerating when I say that’s it’s so disgusting and well, slimy, that the image may burn itself into your brain, subject to spontaneous recall at the worst possible moments. It’s entirely possible that you do it yourself, but it’s just one of those private things that we don’t talk about and we certainly don’t invite others to witness. I, myself, am a very private person about such activities, but I want these awards badly enough that I am willing to purchase them at the expense of the derision and scorn that is sure to follow. On the day of the awards ceremony, if I have prevailed in both categories, I will publish that photograph, unedited, for all the world to see. If I win in only one category I may do a little re-touching and air brushing, but I will still publish the photograph. In order to insure that the photo is a fitting reward and that it is as described above, I have submitted it to an individual whose integrity cannot be impunged. The reaction has validated my choice. I’m sorry to have lost a friend by such an underhanded tactic, but it was a necessary action in furtherance of my campaign. Some of you will undoubtedly follow suit once you’ve seen it, but friends are nothing compared to the glory I’m seeking. I’m asking you to do this thing, even though I know that you will end up despising me once you have collected your reward. Yes, I want it that badly.
Disclaimer: Skeet’s Stuff has always been a family-friendly blog. On the day of publication only I will post a warning at the top that the material X-Rated and you should not scroll down to the photograph if you are opposed to such things or if there is a child nearby. I’m willing to abandon my own sense of propriety to achieve my goal, but the decision to compromise your own moral integrity will be yours alone.
Further disclaimer: This is not a sponsored post. The self-serving content herein seeks a reward greater than wealth.
Technorati Tags: blog, blogging, writing, excellence in writing, awards, blog awards, Blogger’s Choice Awards, whining, begging, shame and humiliation, humor
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April 10th, 2007 at 4:30 pm, Julie Says:
You didn’t have to write all that to get my vote
April 10th, 2007 at 10:40 pm, skeet Says:
Diarrhea of the mouth. I got to sleep after three this morning and was running on caffeine and fatigue when I wrote the post. And you love me anyway. The post is designed to entice those who are undecided on that issue and need a little motivation.
April 11th, 2007 at 5:14 am, Drew Says:
I voted for you Skeet. Thanks for your vote on my photography blog. I’m moving on up.
April 11th, 2007 at 10:42 am, allan Says:
I am afraid of that picture already.
April 11th, 2007 at 3:15 pm, Whim Says:
I really hope you win because you deserve to and because I am curious as hell.
April 12th, 2007 at 9:25 am, Tony Says:
Hey, I already voted for you in both categories and I didn’t even need bribed or threatened to do so. Does that make me extra special or just gullible
So, this picture of which you speak so highly. You definitely have my interest, but I must warn you… I have an extremely active and graphic imagination so I have my doubts that it will really be all that. I’m sure I’ve already fantasized you into more compromising and embarrassing predicaments than you would publicly post, anyway .
April 12th, 2007 at 9:49 am, skeet Says:
No, that’s not possible, I assure you. But you’re never going to know that for sure because there are big-namers above me in both categories now, so the picture will remain forever unpublished —- unless many, many people are so intrigued by the idea that they go on the campaign trail for me!