August 4, 2007
Mr. Fab’s obsession
The truth has a way of showing itself. Sometimes you have to dig a little and maybe get your hands dirty, but if you keep chipping away you’ll eventually find what you’re looking for. What I’ve been looking for is the reason behind Mr. Fab’s aberrant behavior. Don’t get me wrong. He’s a nice guy and a talented artist (if you happen to like that kind of stuff,) but those of us who care for him know that he’s got a sick streak a mile wide. I’ve spent many a restless night tossing and turning, worrying that the guys in a the white coats are going to show up soon and haul him away. His fans are legion and don’t want to lose him, but what are we to do? He, himself, has provided ample proof that he is indeed a sick bastard and probably a danger to society. His insanity is so well documented that there can be no denying it, but does that mean he should be locked away? Well, probably, but suppose we could find the reason for his sicko behavior and cure him? The judge at his insanity hearing would then rightfully conclude that his season of madness had passed and would have to allow him to retain his freedom, right? Barring proof of his sanity, our only alternative seems to be a bribe, and, quite frankly, I’m not sure we could raise enough. Sure, there are many fans of His Fabulousness, but you’re a pretty tight-fisted bunch. By show of hands, how many of you would be willing to match my donation of $7.31? Yeah, that’s what I thought. And the judge would probably want at least forty or fifty bucks for such a back-alley deal, so that’s hopeless. Thus the search for a cure.
I’ve wasted a lot of time invested a lot of hours trying to find the root cause of Fab’s psychosis. It’s been a troubling journey, driving me almost to the brink of madness myself, but my genuine passion for the task helped me maintain my focus and step back from the precipice whenever I was in imminent danger of falling into that black abyss. The evidence I’ve accumulated is too darkly disturbing for publication in such a public forum, so you’ll just have to take my word for it that this goes much deeper than any of us realized. (If you really insist on documentation, it’s available, but really - it’s just too horrifying. Don’t expose yourself to it. Besides, if you can’t come up with $7.31 to save Fab’s ass, I’m pretty sure you won’t invest $49.00 for the professionally indexed, scholarly study that details his descent into darkness. PayPal, credit cards and cash accepted, no guarantee as to reliablity of the information contained therein, no refunds under any circumstances.) Suffice it to say that it all became moot yesterday when Fab himself revealed the answer, and, with it, the key to a cure.
It all comes down to his pathalogical obsession with Colleen’s sweet ass. He’s kept it a deep, dark secret until now. Well, he might have mentioned it, but he certainly never let on just how obsessive his fantasy was until it all came spewing out in his pathetic bid to enlist us all as cohorts. DO NOT BE FOOLED! You will not be helping him by adding the nonsensical phrase Colleen has a sweet ass to your blog. You’ll be doing more harm than good if you succumb to social pressure and do his bidding. He must be cured of his obsession. Do not reinforce his alternate reality by repeating that vapid phrase Colleen has a sweet ass. JUST DON’T DO IT! He must be made to see the truth, that an ass is just an ass. Only then will he be able to turn away from his obsession and begin to live his life in the real world, where Sculpey does not need to bleed to be amusing. Resist! Resist, I implore you, in the name of all that is right and good! Do not, under any circumstances, fuel his fantasy that Colleen has a sweet ass!
There is one more thing we all need to do to help restore our sweet, Fabulous friend to sanity. It will be painful and require personal sacrifice, but it’s a small price to pay for such a dear friend. I’m stepping up to the plate as an example to you all that it is a survivable trauma. In order to slam home the point that an ass is just as ass we need to bombard our friend with the evidence. Would you do this for such a worthy cause? Please? Just this once? Show your ass.
See, Fab. Repeat after me. An ass is just an ass.
[tags]ass, ass-obsession, Colleen has a sweet ass, insanity, mental health, Mr. Fab[/tags]
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August 4th, 2007 at 11:40 am, Mr. Fabulous Says:
Ooh, I’d like to get myself a piece of that! Mmm…
GREAT post! LOL
August 4th, 2007 at 12:53 pm, Amy Says:
Nice ass! HA!
August 4th, 2007 at 12:54 pm, Bryan@OneMan'sGoal.Com Says:
An ass is just an ass… Most of the time
August 4th, 2007 at 2:06 pm, Sweet Catastrophe » A cry for help Says:
[…] obsession? How to cure it!? His obsession with Colleen’s sweet ass! Skeet’s done it; she’s gotten to the bottom of Fab’s insanity and she’s absolutely right! It all begins and ends with Colleen’s sweet […]
August 4th, 2007 at 2:07 pm, Jade Says:
I’ll join the fight!
August 5th, 2007 at 10:07 am, skeet Says:
Funny thing, Fab. No one asked how come I happened to have a photo of my butt handy, lol!
August 5th, 2007 at 10:08 am, skeet Says:
I swear I don’t have a uni-butt, Amy, though it looks that way in this photo. Guess I need a studio shot to show it from a better angle, hm?
August 5th, 2007 at 10:09 am, skeet Says:
But did you post your own ass-shot to further the cause of Fab’s sanity, Bryan?
August 5th, 2007 at 10:11 am, skeet Says:
The followers don’t seem to be flocking, Jade. Hard to believe that the blogospher is not overrun with ass shots today, hm?
August 5th, 2007 at 10:15 am, Jade Says:
I was expecting to see a little ass today! What gives?!
August 5th, 2007 at 10:59 am, Jules Says:
Nice ass Skeet!
August 5th, 2007 at 11:03 am, skeet Says:
Jade, I’m beginning to think that most of his readers like our Fab just the way he is and don’t want him to change. I guess they just don’t get the whole thing where he might get locked up for being a danger to society, hm?
August 5th, 2007 at 11:04 am, skeet Says:
Well, mahalo, Jules! Any chance you’re willing to show your own, seeing as how it’s for such a good cause and all that?
August 5th, 2007 at 11:44 am, Loretta Says:
I’d love to join the movement but in the past few years jello has replaced my ass ….. perhaps if it decides to return I’ll snap a picture!
August 5th, 2007 at 11:51 am, Jade Says:
That’s okay Skeet, when it all goes down, maybe Fab will remember the ones who tried so hard to save him!
August 5th, 2007 at 12:12 pm, Colleen Says:
I think that’s some mighty sweet hiney!
August 5th, 2007 at 12:20 pm, Digi-Cass: Picturing the World, One Pixel at a Time Says:
[…] You wouldn’t believe me if I told you. […]
August 5th, 2007 at 12:22 pm, Cass Says:
Maybe your premise is correct. And maybe not.
August 5th, 2007 at 12:26 pm, skeet Says:
If that photo he added to his post is really yours, Colleen, you’re in no danger whatsoever of losing your title. I could almost go over to the other side for an ass that sweet!
August 5th, 2007 at 12:27 pm, skeet Says:
Of course I’m correct, Cass. Have you ever known me to be wrong? Oh, yeah, well never mind, then.
August 5th, 2007 at 12:33 pm, skeet Says:
Loretta, remember the premise: an ass is just an ass. If I can put my over-the-hill-in-ill-fitting-jeans hiney on the line, I would think that you could match my effort!
August 5th, 2007 at 12:34 pm, skeet Says:
Maybe we should go out ann do some stealth photography today, Jade, and display the results on our blogs. Hmmmm - I see some possibilities there!
August 5th, 2007 at 12:41 pm, Jade Says:
Uh oh Skeet; methinks you shouldn’t give me such ideas when I’ve already been abusing my camera today. Hmmmm
August 5th, 2007 at 12:55 pm, Lisa Says:
OMG!!! LOL!!!
I go away for the weekend and this is what I come back too??!!??
August 5th, 2007 at 11:36 pm, skeet’s stuff » Mr. Fab’s cure Says:
[…] « Previous Main […]
August 6th, 2007 at 6:49 am, TotalDismay.com » Blog Archive » Anything for a Fake Cause… Says:
[…] Skeet, meanwhile, has subverted the Fab cause into something else entirely. I’m not sure what this movement is all about, but it involves pictures of bums, so I’m in. […]
August 6th, 2007 at 6:51 am, Martin Says:
My Bum is on the Internet
http://totaldismay.com/2007/08/06/anything-for-a-fake-cause/
August 6th, 2007 at 9:59 am, Sweet Catastrophe » We can’t do this alone. Says:
[…] can’t do this alone. 3:58 pm | What’s wrong with you people? We’ve graciously asked for your help, yet, you’re not quite flocking to help us cure Fab of his sick obsession. I’m fully […]
August 6th, 2007 at 4:38 pm, Jackie Says:
OMG LOL